THIS AIN’T JUST A HOODIE—IT’S THE ONE-STAR PLAGUE CLOAK FOR EVERYONE WHO PAID $20 IN GAS TO MARINATE IN FISH FUMES AND COVID DROPLETS! Blasted with the full “RTO = RETURN TO MISERY” bio-terror manifesto across legendary Comfort Colors thick-ass cotton cozier than my home office ever was, this hooded fallout shelter hits in 13 savage colors and every damn one is as rancid as kick-ass black! Sizes S-3XL for every remote warrior now trapped in Chad and Karen’s petri dish. If this hoodie doesn’t clear the entire floor like the Black Death just walked in, we’ll microwave hell’s lunch—no questions asked! Hood the horror. Worship the WFH. Wear the One Star like the final boss who stays warm wrapped in pure, fish-scented fury!





Product features
- 100% ring-spun US cotton — light and smooth for comfortable everyday wear
- Jersey-lined hood with natural flatcord for a soft, finished look
- Relaxed fit with rolled-forward shoulders for easy movement
- Lightweight fabric (6.4 oz/yd²) — breathable and layer-friendly
- Made with OEKO-TEX low-impact dyes; member of the U.S. Cotton Trust Protocol

Care instructions
- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)
- Do not bleach
- Tumble dry: low heat
- Iron, steam or dry: low heat
- Do not dryclean