THIS AIN’T JUST A HOODIE—IT’S THE ONE-STAR QUARANTINE BLANKET FOR EVERY POOR BASTARD STILL DRIPPING STRANGER JUICE AND RED BULL REGRET! Blasted with the full “THE POOL IS A GODDAMN PETRI DISH OF HERPES AND REGRET” biohazard manifesto across legendary Comfort Colors thick-ass cotton cozier than the lie about “luxury pool experience,” this hooded plague fortress hits in 13 savage colors and every damn one is as nasty as kick-ass black! Sizes S-3XL for every soul who paid $400 to float in a human stew, custom-printed on demand because your immune systems don’t grow on palm trees! If this hoodie doesn’t clear the entire pool deck just by existing, we’ll puke Red Bull-vodka in hell’s deep end until you’re grinning—no questions asked! Hood the herpes. Worship the hate. Wear the One Star like the final boss who stays warm wrapped in pure, floating-band-aid fury!
 
 

Product features
- 100% ring-spun US cotton — light and smooth for comfortable everyday wear
- Jersey-lined hood with natural flatcord for a soft, finished look
- Relaxed fit with rolled-forward shoulders for easy movement
- Lightweight fabric (6.4 oz/yd²) — breathable and layer-friendly
- Made with OEKO-TEX low-impact dyes; member of the U.S. Cotton Trust Protocol

Care instructions
- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)
- Do not bleach
- Tumble dry: low heat
- Iron, steam or dry: low heat
- Do not dryclean