THIS AIN’T JUST A HOODIE—IT’S THE ONE-STAR TRAUMA BLANKET FOR EVERYONE STILL BROKE FROM THE $800 GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE THAT NEVER SHOWED! Blasted with the full “HOOKERS WHO QUOTE HOURLY RATES LIKE STOCKBROKERS” indictment across legendary Comfort Colors thick-ass cotton cozier than the fantasy they sold you, this hooded regret fortress hits in 13 savage colors and every damn one is as salty as kick-ass black! Sizes S-3XL for every soul currently eating ramen because some chick quoted like Goldman Sachs, custom-printed on demand because real girlfriends don’t have surge pricing! If this hoodie doesn’t make promoters hide their Rolodex, we’ll day-trade hell’s happy endings until you’re grinning—no questions asked! Hood the hustle. Worship the hate. Wear the One Star like the final boss who stays warm wrapped in pure, overpriced loneliness!
 
 

Product features
- 100% ring-spun US cotton — light and smooth for comfortable everyday wear
- Jersey-lined hood with natural flatcord for a soft, finished look
- Relaxed fit with rolled-forward shoulders for easy movement
- Lightweight fabric (6.4 oz/yd²) — breathable and layer-friendly
- Made with OEKO-TEX low-impact dyes; member of the U.S. Cotton Trust Protocol

Care instructions
- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)
- Do not bleach
- Tumble dry: low heat
- Iron, steam or dry: low heat
- Do not dryclean