THIS AIN’T JUST A HOODIE—IT’S THE ONE-STAR PORTABLE THRONE FOR THE BULLDOG BLOAT BEHEMOTH’S REIGN OF LAZY TERROR! Blasted with “BLOAT BEHEMOTH! This wrinkly sloth snorts like a chainsaw, hogs the AC, drools on your throne, and wins at loving without lifting a paw!” across legendary Comfort Colors thick-ass cotton so plush your bulldog will refuse to move for three days straight, this hooded empire hits in 13 savage colors and every damn one is as immovable as kick-ass black! Sizes S-3XL for every human couch currently under new management, custom-printed on demand because cardio is canceled forever! If this hoodie doesn’t make strangers hear the symphony of snorts before they see you, we’ll nap on hell’s thermostat until you’re grinning—no questions asked! Hood the hog. Worship the wrinkles. Wear the One Star like the final boss who stays warm and horizontal!





Product features
- 100% ring-spun US cotton — light and smooth for comfortable everyday wear
- Jersey-lined hood with natural flatcord for a soft, finished look
- Relaxed fit with rolled-forward shoulders for easy movement
- Lightweight fabric (6.4 oz/yd²) — breathable and layer-friendly
- Made with OEKO-TEX low-impact dyes; member of the U.S. Cotton Trust Protocol

Care instructions
- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)
- Do not bleach
- Tumble dry: low heat
- Iron, steam or dry: low heat
- Do not dryclean