THIS AIN’T JUST A T-SHIRT—IT’S A ONE-STAR PASSPORT TO THE BULLDOG BLOAT BEHEMOTH THAT COLONIZED YOUR COUCH! Blasted with “BLOAT BEHEMOTH! This wrinkly sloth snorts like a chainsaw, hogs the AC, drools on your throne, and wins at loving without lifting a paw!” across legendary Comfort Colors pigment-dyed U.S.-grown cotton so soft it matches the rolls you now pay vet bills for, this squat tyrant drops in 13 savage colors but looks most lethal in kick-ass black! Sizes S-4XL for every human enslaved by a 55-lb sack of wrinkles and love, custom-printed on demand because your furniture already surrendered! If this shirt doesn’t make strangers hear phantom snoring from across the room, we’ll fart in hell’s elevator until you’re wheezing—no questions asked! Wear the wrinkles. Worship the snorts. Rock the One Star like the final boss who lost the remote but won the war on personal space!
Product features - Available in multiple sizes from S to 4XL - Double-needle stitching for durability - Garment-dyed fabric for soft color and texture - Made with 100% ring-spun US cotton for comfort Care instructions - Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F) - Do not bleach - Tumble dry: low heat - Iron, steam, or dry: low heat - Do not dry clean